


The Best Revenge

by scatteredlogic



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: F/M, Friendship, Humor, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-10-21
Updated: 2004-10-21
Packaged: 2017-10-12 11:08:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/124213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scatteredlogic/pseuds/scatteredlogic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lucius Malfoy instructs Hermione Granger on the finer points of revenge.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Best Revenge

> "Living well is the best revenge."  
> — George Herbert

Lucius Malfoy stared at the ceiling and decided that fate was obviously a cold-hearted bitch with a vicious sense of humour. What else could account for the circumstances in which he now found himself? How could a Malfoy have fallen so low?

After the debacle at the Ministry of Magic, Lucius had spent twenty months in Azkaban before Fudge's greed had once again overruled his fear of public opinion. A large number of Malfoy galleons had quickly found their way into the Minister's private vault and a "parole" was quietly arranged.

Unfortunately, Lucius' ensuing homecoming hadn't gone nearly as well as he would have liked. Having a convicted criminal for a husband was an inexcusable blow to Narcissa's social status and, in her icy and sustained silence, Lucius had heard the death knell of his marriage. He understood that there wouldn't be a divorce; that simply wasn't _done_. But the fact that his things had been moved into an entirely separate wing of Malfoy Manor was a deliberate declaration of her intent to continue life without him.

If that hadn't been bad enough, his fellow Death Eaters had taken the opportunity presented by his absence to shift the internal balance of power. Lucius found himself with much less influence than he'd previously enjoyed and watched with narrowed eyes and gritted teeth as his lunatic sister-in-law now stood in his former place at the Dark Lord's right hand.

As for Voldemort, he had been momentarily pleased that Lucius had returned, but free use of the Cruciatus Curse had made it clear that he considered being captured in the first place as a large failing on Lucius' part.

Writhing in the mud at Voldemort's feet while Bellatrix laughed was the final thing to convince Lucius of something that he'd suspected for a very long time: they were going to lose.

It wasn't difficult to see the outcome of Voldemort's increasing instability and penchant for flamboyant gestures. After Lucius had pulled himself upright, he'd looked around the circle of Death Eaters shivering in the cold rain and decided that Tom Riddle was a fool who should have been sorted into Gryffindor. No true Slytherin would ever approach world domination in such an idiotic fashion.

Bribery, coercion, and manipulation — those were things that _worked_. Hanging about in cemeteries, killing the occasional schoolboy and subjecting your followers to casual torture accomplished nothing.

Since Lucius had no intention of being on the losing side of the inevitable battle between Voldemort and Potter, he decided that it would be to his advantage to approach Albus Dumbledore.

The next day, he had sent an owl to Hogwarts that read simply:

 _"Our doubts are traitors  
And make us lose the good we oft might win  
By fearing to attempt."  
Measure for Measure, Act I, Scene IV_

It was two days before he'd received a reply. Lucius appreciated the old man's strategy. Dumbledore waited just long enough for Lucius to begin wondering if he had been ignored or, worse, if the Malfoy owl had been intercepted. Dumbledore's reply began with another quotation:

 _"Make me to see't; or at the least so prove it  
That the probation bear no hinge nor loop  
To hang a doubt on—or woe upon thy life!"  
Othello, Act III, Scene III_

The quotation was followed up by an invitation to join the Headmaster for dinner the next evening so that they might continue their "fascinating discussion of Shakespeare's plays."

In Dumbledore's private office, the two men held an entire conversation of oblique remarks, Shakespearean quotes and subtle gestures but, at the end of the evening, each had been satisfied that they'd understood the other's meaning. When the time came, Dumbledore would vouch for Lucius' intentions to the post-war Ministry of Magic. In exchange, Lucius would pass along what information he could and, most importantly, he would fight on Dumbledore's side during the standoff between Voldemort and Potter.

And so he had.

Without batting an eyelash, Lucius had turned on his fellow Death Eaters and stood shoulder to shoulder with Severus Snape — and hadn't _that_ been a surprise — while the side of the light had emerged victorious literally over Voldemort's dead body.

Not that it did Lucius any good. During the battle, he'd been hexed from behind and was currently in St. Mungo's Hospital suffering the lingering effects of an obscure curse. Persistent weakness and impaired motor function was the diagnosis. However, it was the general consensus of the mediwizards that if Lucius would refrain from performing magic as much as possible, take the appropriate potions and get adequate rest, he would gradually improve and eventually be back in fine health. 'Eventually' being defined as something in the nature of twelve to fourteen weeks.

Therefore, when Severus Snape walked into his hospital room wearing a positively gleeful expression, Lucius knew something awful was about to happen. The last time Severus had been so cheerful was six days earlier when he had informed Lucius that Narcissa had cleaned out the family vault at Gringott's and fled to France with Draco after learning the outcome of the battle.

"You're to be released from hospital this afternoon." Severus smirked. "As there are still a few Death Eaters at large who may hold a grudge against a traitor, you will finish recuperating at Grimmauld Place. The house is unplottable and you'll be safe enough there."

"Why must I go into hiding?" Lucius frowned. " _You're_ still walking about and you were a traitor first."

"Because I _can_ walk," Severus answered dryly. "You're virtually bedridden and currently unable to defend yourself." He smiled slightly. "But never fear, Albus has arranged for a caregiver. Miss Granger wishes to apprentice in mediwizardy and she will be undertaking the task until you're on your feet again."

Lucius scowled. "Granger? Isn't she that bushy-haired little Mu—"

"Yes," Snape interrupted.

"That is entirely unacceptable," Lucius snapped. "I'd rather be tended by a house elf."

Snape's smile widened. "Oh, don't worry, a house elf has been assigned to aid Miss Granger. But Albus can only spare the one, so you'll just have to make do."

"One house elf and a Mudblood? That's an insult."

"These are trying times for everyone, Lucius. I'm certain that you'll bear up with your customary flair."

Lucius eyed Snape suspiciously. The usually dour Potions Master was still entirely too happy. There was something else he wasn't telling him.

"Obviously, there's more. Out with it."

Snape tried — and failed miserably — to look innocent. "More? No, I think that just about covers it."

Lucius arched an eyebrow. Severus could lie through his teeth and be utterly convincing; his survival in Voldemort's inner circle was proof enough of that. Lying had never been a problem for Severus. No, it was honesty that had always caused him the most difficulty. So, what could it be?

Lucius' eyes suddenly widened.

" _Which_ house elf?" he demanded.

~*~

"Dobby doesn't like this, Hermione Granger. Dobby doesn't like this at _all_. Dobby is only doing this because the great wizard Albus Dumbledore has asked it of him."

Hermione sighed as she looked at the house elf. "Frankly, I'm not certain I like it either," she agreed. She closed her eyes briefly as she recalled the spectacular row it had caused between her and Harry.

 _"My fiancée is not going to play nursemaid to Lucius Malfoy," he'd spat out. "There's only two weeks before the Auror's Academy reopens and you want to spend that time with a Malfoy instead of me?"_

"I won't be 'spending time' with Lucius Malfoy; I'll be taking care of a patient. You know how important this apprenticeship is to me. St. Mungo's only accepts one apprentice each year, Harry. One. _Letters of recommendation from Professor Dumbledore and Madam Pomfrey will virtually guarantee that I get that slot and I don't want to miss this opportunity. Besides, you'll be staying at the Burrow with the Weasleys until the Academy reopens. Ron and the twins will be there. Because of the war, the Christmas holiday at Hogwarts was extended, so even Ginny will be there. I doubt you'll have time to miss me."_

"But why Malfoy?" Harry's tone had turned vaguely petulant. "Lots of people were injured in that battle — that's the reason they've temporarily closed the Academy — you could take care of one of the Aurors that was hurt instead of... instead of... him."

Hermione opened her eyes and repeated to Dobby exactly what she'd told Harry. "I think this is a test to see if I'm truly suited to the profession. And Madam Pomfrey has a valid point: if I intend to apprentice as a mediwitch, I won't be able to select my patients. I may as well get used to dealing with the unpleasant ones from the start. At least Kreacher isn't here any longer. That would be all I'd need."

At the mention of Kreacher, Dobby shuddered violently. The tale of the house elf that had gone insane and caused the death of his master had spread far and wide through the house elf community.

Hermione walked around the room and nodded to herself, satisfied. It was large and airy and the overstuffed chair near the window would be convenient for reading. The bed had been freshly made with clean linens and a wizarding wireless sat on the nightstand, the small table and chairs tucked unobtrusively in one corner were suitable for dining if he wasn't able to come downstairs, and this was one of the few bedrooms at Number 12 Grimmauld Place with an en suite bath. It was perfect for a convalescing invalid.

Hermione checked her watch. "Mr. Malfoy should be here at any moment. Professor Dumbledore said that his portkey would be activated at 11:00 a.m."

At that instant, Lucius Malfoy appeared out of thin air, landing on the bed with a muffled, "Oomph." He was clutching a long piece of string. Professor Snape held the opposite end of the string in one hand and a leather travel bag in the other. An ebony and silver walking stick was threaded through the handles of the luggage.

Professor Snape dropped the string and set the bag on the floor. "I have delivered your patient, Miss Granger." Snape pulled the walking stick free. "This should remain locked in the office downstairs."

"I'll need that to walk until I've recovered," Lucius protested.

Neither Hermione nor Snape were fooled.

"There are canes here for you to use, Mr. Malfoy," Hermione said, unconsciously imitating Madam Pomfrey's brisk tones. "Besides, I don't think it's your cane that you're concerned about. You're not supposed to perform magic and your _wand_ shall be put away for the time being."

Lucius was suddenly furious. "You would leave me helpless? No place is completely safe. How am I to defend myself in case of attack?"

Severus smirked and pulled a small silver medallion from a pocket. He dropped it on the bedspread next to Lucius. "A portkey. Simply touch it and say, "Fizzing Whizbee" and you'll find yourself in the lobby of St. Mungos. I suggest you wear it until your wand is returned to you."

Lucius glowered, but placed the medallion around his neck.

"You should put this away immediately, Miss Granger," Snape said, handing her the walking stick. "The small room downstairs that Professor Dumbledore uses as an office would be ideal."

Hermione nodded and accepted the cane gingerly. The ebony felt cool and smooth in her hands, but it was considerably warmer nearer the handle where she knew Lucius Malfoy kept his wand hidden.

"Dobby, why don't you make Mr. Malfoy a cup of tea?" Hermione said. She turned back to Lucius. "How do you take your tea?"

"I'm certain that Dobby remembers," Lucius snapped and then fixed the house elf with a cold look. "I'm going to enjoy having you serve me again."

"Dobby is a free elf and Dobby works for the great wizard Albus Dumbledore." The little creature glared at Lucius. "And Dobby hasn't forgotten anything about the wicked Lucius Malfoy."

Lucius smiled slowly. "Nor have I forgotten _you_."

The house elf gulped audibly and vanished from the room.

"Go on, Miss Granger," Professor Snape said. "I'll stay with Mr. Malfoy until you return. I'll place an additional ward on the room before I leave."

Hermione looked back and forth between the two men and then nodded. "I'll only be a few minutes."

~*~

As soon as Hermione left, Lucius shot Snape a nasty scowl. "Locking away my wand was your idea, I presume?"

"Yes."

"You have no right—"

In four long strides, Snape was across the room and towering over Lucius.

"Let me be plain so that there will be no misunderstanding," Severus said coldly. "For some reason, Albus has decided that assigning the girl as your caregiver is a good idea. As amusing as I find the thought of you being at the mercy of that dictatorial know-it-all, I also believe that you, a wand, and a Muggleborn are not the most fortuitous of combinations."

Lucius narrowed his eyes. "Does the word 'hypocrite' sound familiar, Severus? It wasn't so very long ago that the same could be said of you."

"Years ago, Lucius," Snape interrupted. "That was years ago. Situations change."

"In other words, you were allowed to redeem yourself, but I'm not to be given the same opportunity?"

"You're not looking for redemption," Snape said, his tone flat.

Lucius suddenly gave a shark's grin. "No, I'm not," he agreed and then shrugged. "But if it will ease your mind, I have no intention of hurting the Mudblood. There's nothing to be gained by it." He made an elaborate show of settling himself more comfortably on the bed. "I plan on being a model patient and recovering as quickly as possible."

 _"Dirty Mudblood! How dare you pollute my home!"_

At the shrieked epithet, Lucius blinked in surprise.

"Mrs. Black's portrait," Severus explained. "They've thus far been unable to counter the sticking charm on the frame and she's very... vocal."

During the commotion, Dobby winked silently into the bedroom and placed a cup of tea on the bedside table. He vanished before Lucius could speak to him.

Lucius frowned. "Surely, at the very least, I'm allowed to torment Dobby. I have a bone to pick with that house elf."

"As long as you don't mean that literally, I don't care." Severus gave a graceful shrug.

 _"Scum! Filth and blood traitors! Desecration!"_

The screeching became muffled and finally died away.

In a moment, Hermione opened the bedroom door and came inside.

"Sorry. Someone left her curtain open," she said. Hermione carried a plain varnished wood cane. "I've brought this for you to use, Mr. Malfoy."

Lucius eyed the cane with disgust. "I suppose if that's the best you can do..." His voice trailed away, obviously suggesting that her best was pitifully inadequate.

Hermione's mouth tightened and she gestured toward the suitcase. "Would you like help in putting your things away?"

"No," Lucius answered, his tone dismissive.

"Are you certain? I know that it's difficult for you to stand for long periods of—"

"I said _no_ ," Lucius snapped. "Are you deaf?"

In response, Hermione's hands curled into fists and Severus smirked.

Snape turned to Hermione. "Madam Pomfrey will be stopping in twice each week to bring a supply of potions and to check Mr. Malfoy's progress. Should you need anything, contact her in the interim." Snape glanced back at Lucius. "I shall be stopping in occasionally, as well," he said, his tone pointed.

Lucius rolled his eyes.

"Miss Granger?" Snape continued.

"Yes, sir?"

He looked down his long nose at her for a moment. "You will come with me downstairs," he announced.

~*~

Hermione walked in silence with Professor Snape and waited while he heavily overlaid the warding she'd placed on the room containing Malfoy's wand. She then followed him to the small foyer.

Finally, he looked directly into her eyes. "Don't turn your back on him. Even without a wand, Lucius Malfoy is a dangerous man."

"I'm aware of that, Professor." She did her best to sound cool and confident.

Snape snorted contemptuously. "You haven't the slightest idea of what he is capable of doing, Miss Granger. Don't allow your natural arrogance to overwhelm the tiny amount of common sense you might possess."

Indignation welled up inside her, but before she could respond, Professor Snape wrenched open the door and was gone.

"Just think," she murmured to herself, "I have three months of this to look forward to."

Hermione made a detour into the sitting room to retrieve a scroll of parchment and then went back upstairs to knock on Lucius' bedroom door. There was a long pause, but finally she heard a clipped "Come in." Squaring her shoulders, she entered the room.

Lucius was leaning on the cane she had provided, placing items from the suitcase into a dresser drawer.

"I've devised a schedule so that your potions may be taken at precise intervals to insure the proper interaction," Hermione said, waving the scroll slightly.

Lucius sighed and snatched the parchment out of her hand. There, in careful, feminine handwriting, he read:

8:00 a.m. Breakfast  
8:30 a.m. Restorative Potion (first daily dose)  
9:00 a.m. Strengthening Potion (first daily dose)  
9:15 a.m. Light exercise  
10:00 a.m. Salus Novus Potion (single daily dose)  
12:00 p.m. Lunch  
1:00 p.m. Nap  
2:30 p.m. Restorative Potion (second daily dose)  
3:00 p.m. Strengthening Potion (second daily dose)  
3:15 p.m. Light exercise  
4:00 p.m. Afternoon tea  
7:30 p.m. Supper  
8:00 p.m. Restorative Potion (third daily dose)  
9:00 p.m. Strengthening Potion (third daily dose)

"A nap?" he asked, incredulous. "You've scheduled a nap?"

"Yes," she answered evenly. "You need your rest."

He tossed the parchment at her feet. "For your information, I am not a child."

Hermione bit her tongue to keep from pointing out that he was certainly acting the child now. Madam Pomfrey had cautioned her that Mr. Malfoy was likely to be a difficult patient, but she suspected that the mediwitch had understated the case.

 _"People who are accustomed to being in control — to being_ in charge _— are usually the most troublesome patients," Pomfrey had said in warning. "Their frustration at their lack of control is usually directed at the closest target to hand: their caregiver."_

Hermione took a deep breath and flicked her wand. With a murmured "Accio, parchment," the scroll was once again in her hand.

"No, you're not a child," Hermione answered. "But you are suffering from the effects of a debilitating curse and everything that is on this list was suggested by the mediwizards at St. Mungo's."

"And just what is considered "light exercise?" he asked, distaste colouring his voice.

"Walking. It will help rebuild your strength."

"It's January and it's raining," he pointed out.

"The inside of the house is warm and dry," she countered, calmly. "We can start by making circuits of your room until you're well enough to manage the stairs."

"We?" he sneered.

"Yes, _we_ ," she said firmly. "You're not yet well enough to walk for very long and I don't want you falling and hurting yourself."

"I don't need help from a Mudblood." His voice had gone low and deadly.

Inwardly, Hermione winced. She'd known his attitude toward Muggleborns. Draco had learned his prejudices somewhere, after all, and a Death Eater father was the most likely teacher. Better to nip this in the bud now.

"I am your caregiver, Mr. Malfoy, not your whipping boy." She kept her tone cool. "You should mind your manners or you'll find yourself with only Dobby to care for you. Somehow, I don't think that he would be as exacting with your potions as I intend to be. The Strengthening Potion and the Salus Novus look very much alike. However, more than a single daily dose of the Salus Novus can prove fatal."

"Are you threatening me?" He sounded incredulous.

"No, merely speaking a language that I'm sure you'll understand."

She wasn't certain, but for a moment his gaze seemed to turn speculative. "Your lack of subtlety is appalling, Miss Granger."

"Subtlety isn't always the wisest approach, Mr. Malfoy. Sometimes, it's best to simply club a snake over the head and have done with it."

And with that, Hermione turned and sailed out of the room.

~*~

After several days of enduring Hermione, Lucius developed an empathy for Severus Snape that he hadn't known he could feel. The girl was officious to the point of rudeness and Lucius was certain that she used a Muggle stopwatch to keep precisely to the schedule she'd devised for him. Imagine having to suffer her for seven years... Severus deserved an Order of Merlin for that alone.

However, as time passed, they settled into a wary routine. Depending upon Lucius' mood, their interaction could be either completely silent or excruciatingly polite. The majority of their contact came at meals and, of course, the twice-daily exercise sessions.

While Lucius would never admit it — his initial complaints aside — he had every intention of exercising. There were few things more frightening to him than weakness, and he was determined to regain his health. Therefore, twice daily Lucius was marched around his room in time to the latest offering from The Weird Sisters.

One afternoon, frustrated by his slow progress and sick of listening to the caterwauling that passed for music, he broke away from the young woman dogging his steps and wordlessly beat the wizarding wireless into pieces with the plain wooden cane provided to him. He then turned to Hermione with a self-satisfied expression and waited for her reaction.

To his utter disappointment, Hermione merely shook her head and said briskly, "Feel better now? Come along. Three more circuits around the room and we'll be finished for the day."

Lucius eyed her throat and his fingers unconsciously flexed. He didn't need his wand to snap her neck, and he could already envision her look of surprise just before he _twisted_ his hands. However, quick on the heels of that thought was the mental image of Severus sneering, " _I_ put up with her for seven years and never once harmed a hair on her obnoxious head. _You_ obviously lack stamina."

With a pained sigh, Lucius put away the cheerful thought of a dead Hermione and allowed himself to be herded about the room yet again.

The days blended one into the other in a dreary routine of potions, exercise and pointed silence and Lucius and Hermione might have continued largely ignoring one another for the duration of his convalescence if not for a single event: Hermione Granger saved Lucius Malfoy's life.

In a manner of speaking.

~*~

By the end of the first month, Lucius was strong enough to navigate the stairs, although, during his initial attempt, he'd gone white and had trembled visibly. When it came time to return to his room, he saw that Hermione had placed straight-backed chairs near the head and foot of the staircase to allow him to rest for a few moments before continuing.

He knew that she had good intentions, but Lucius viewed those chairs as another sign of weakness and he passed them with a sneer. Merlin would break free from Nimue's cavern before he'd use them.

Each day, Lucius would descend the stairs and spent his time reading in the small household library in an attempt to stave off boredom. Unfortunately, Bellatrix and Narcissa had removed the more... interesting volumes years ago and the Black family library was pathetically limited.

He'd hoped that tormenting Dobby would alleviate some of the dullness, but it was proving unsatisfactory. Since the house elf was free, he was no longer bound to Lucius and could flee if he wanted. Thus far, torturing Dobby had consisted of little more than hurling the nearest object at the creature's head. (And usually missing — a far from satisfactory situation.)

In fact, the prospect of having an actual conversation with the Mudblood became marginally less repulsive than suffering through another day of relentless monotony and, just as Lucius had decided to endure whatever limited discussion Hermione could provide, he found himself playing the role of unwitting chaperone.

Other than holidays, the Aurors' Academy was a 24-hour-a-day business with the trainees living on premises, and they were limited to owl or Floo post and one weekly Floo call. However, a scheduling conflict gave the trainees a free day and so, during the first week in February, Harry Potter came to visit Hermione.

Lucius was subjected to the predictably trite "hurt my fiancée and I'll kill you" speech and was then aggressively ignored by Potter. Lucius was amused to watch The Boy Who Lived spend the first hour of his visit alternately quivering with self-righteous indignation over Hermione's choice to act as Lucius' caregiver or trying to coax her into one of the bedrooms with his blatant suggestions for "privacy."

Potter had either underestimated Hermione's dedication to her career or overestimated his appeal, for all three of them remained in the small library. Hermione and Harry sat talking on the sofa while Lucius took a wingback chair near the fire and pretended to read as he listened to their conversation. He turned the pages of his book and idly wondered what Potter was hiding from Hermione. For the boy was most certainly hiding _something_. Hermione might be too Gryffindor to recognise the occasional hesitation and slightly clipped phrasing, but Lucius was Slytherin to the bone and lessons in the art of deception had been spoon-fed to him from birth.

Sheer boredom led him to begin taking note of the topics that caused the most obvious of those signs and it wasn't long until he had an idea of what Harry Potter was attempting to conceal. At the realisation, Lucius rolled his eyes. It was all so terribly pedestrian but, really, what could one expect from these people? Still, wouldn't the little Mudblood be furious when she learned the truth?

When Potter finally — _finally_ — took his leave, Lucius remained in the library, contemplating his newfound knowledge and considering how best to turn it to his advantage.

After mulling over various scenarios involving Potter's humiliation, a glance at the clock revealed that the hour was late and, as abhorrent as it was to acknowledge, Lucius grew tired more easily these days.

He began ascending the stairs just as Hermione was descending. She hesitated for a moment before continuing down and they both turned their heads slightly in a rote effort to avoid acknowledging the other.

Just as Lucius reached the head of the stairs, he saw Dobby standing in the hallway outside his bedroom door. After putting up with an entire day of Harry Potter, Lucius decided that he deserved a reward, and torturing Dobby would suffice.

"Stay there, Dobby," he snapped. "Don't move." Instinctively, Lucius raised the wooden cane with a flourish, stabbing it forward to point at the house elf just as he took a step forward.

Unfortunately, Lucius was so fixed on his target that he tripped over the chair near the head of the stairs and lost his balance. He immediately lurched backward, arms flailing in an undignified manner, but it was too late. In a split second, he went from complete embarrassment to the metallic realisation that he was about to fall headfirst down the stairs.

At that moment, he lost his battle with gravity.

He heard Hermione cry out, "Impedimenta," and he froze, hanging unmoving in mid-air, his nose a scant inch from the hard wooden surface of the stairs. A quick "Mobilicorpus" and he was floated up and back several feet onto the landing and then placed in a heap on the ground.

Lucius vaguely heard footsteps pounding up the stairs, but it was possible that was merely the thundering of his heart. He released his wholly appropriate death grip on the cane and it fell to the floor with a muted clatter.

"Oh, my god! Mr. Malfoy! Are you all right? Are you hurt?" Hermione's voice had taken on an unpleasant screech and she was touching him — light, frantic little pats on his arms and legs.

Lucius took a deep breath and forced away the worst of the fear.

"No thanks to _you_ ," he snarled. "That chair almost cost me my life."

There was a moment of charged silence, before her cold reply. "Well, if you had actually _used_ it and rested, this wouldn't have happened. Don't blame me for your arrogance."

"Your need to be helpful has almost _helped_ me straight into my grave," he spat out. "How humiliating, years of surviving the Dark Lord and Azkaban, only to be murdered by a Mudblood and a _chair_."

"Perhaps I should have just let you fall. It would have been no more than you deserved." Hermione's face had turned red. "After all, _you_ tried to kill _me_ at the Ministry of Magic."

"That was Dolohov. If _I'd_ wanted you dead, you'd be dead."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better? You gave those Death Eaters permission to kill us. I heard you."

Lucius rolled his eyes and took the tone one uses to explain simple facts to a three-year-old. "We wanted the prophecy. The boy wouldn't hand it over. What did you expect? It was a _war_ , you know."

"Don't patronise me."

"Then stop being naïve."

"You contemptible prat."

"Impertinent swot."

"Pig-ignorant troll."

"Mudblood tart."

" _Stop calling me that_ , you... You Pureblood plonker!"

For a moment, Lucius merely sat there staring at her, incredulous. "Plonker? Is that the best you can do? Who in the world taught you to curse?"

Hermione flushed. "No one, really," she said stiffly. "I picked it up from things I've read."

"Obviously, you need to read different books." Lucius sniffed disdainfully.

They glared at each other silently for a moment.

"Would you like to get up or would you prefer to pass the rest of the night sitting in the hallway?" Hermione finally asked. While her words were sarcastic, her tone was not.

Suddenly bone weary, Lucius leaned his head back against the wall. "I would prefer to be well. I would prefer to be out of this place," he said.

Hermione rose to her feet and extended her hand. When he shot her a disbelieving look, she shrugged faintly.

"Don't think of it as accepting my help," she said wryly. "Think of it as taking advantage of me."

He pursed his lips thoughtfully and then nodded once before taking her hand.

~*~

Lucius spent several sleepless hours considering the earlier events and he came to two conclusions. First, he absolutely refused to owe a life debt to a Mudblood. That simply wasn't allowed to happen. If she hadn't left the chair at the head of the stairs, he wouldn't have tripped in the first place and his life would never have been in danger.

However, while he could murder and pillage with the best of them what was it _for_ if not the Pureblood way of life and the intrinsic honour that implied? Well, other than power, personal gain and the sheer entertainment value, of course.... At any rate, that selfsame honour now demanded that he admit he might owe her a small debt.

He briefly considered the easier options — galleons and jewellery — but discarded them out of hand. The implication that such trivial things could compensate for his well being was an insult.

Finally, he decided that he would give her the information about Potter and then offer to assist her in obtaining revenge. It occurred to him that she might consider herself too noble for such a petty thing as retribution, but he abandoned that thought quickly. She was a woman. She would want vengeance.

Furthermore, he was still so _bored_. With the proper orchestration, this could prove to be very amusing, indeed.

~*~

Early the next morning, Lucius made his way downstairs and into the dining room. As he expected, Hermione was already there, eating her breakfast.

He sat at the table and in a moment, Dobby appeared at his side with a plate filled with food.

Lucius sliced the top off of a soft-boiled egg and cleared his throat. "In view of last night's... incident, I have decided to give you a gift."

"That's not necessary—" Hermione began.

"I shall give you certain information," Lucius interrupted, "and I am willing to assist you in obtaining your revenge."

"Information about what? And revenge against whom? What are you talking about?"

"Your fiancé."

"Harry?" Hermione looked perplexed for a moment and then alarmed. "What about Harry?"

"At best, Potter has been unfaithful to you once. At worst, he is having an ongoing affair. As there are only two women in the Weasley household, logic dictates that it is the girl, Ginevra, who is his paramour."

Hermione stared at him. "What?"

He sighed. "The Boy Who Lived has turned into The Boy Who Lived It Up. As he is your fiancé, I assumed that you had some agreement regarding fidelity." Lucius shrugged. "But perhaps not."

Hermione was gaping, her mouth opening and closing rapidly. Finally, she sputtered, "That's an awful thing to say. Harry would _never_ do such a thing."

Lucius arched an eyebrow. "The evidence is there, if you would only pay attention."

"What evidence?" Hermione snapped.

"Haven't you noticed the changes in his speech patterns? The way he hesitates over certain words and phrases? The clumsy manner in which he attempts to steer the conversation away from the Weasley women?"

Hermione's eyes narrowed. "That's _it_? That's your proof? Let me tell you something: you don't know Harry and you don't know what you're talking about. I know that you hate us — _all_ of us — but to insult Harry and Ginny and me by telling such lies is outrageous."

"Lies?" Lucius' voice went flat. "The boy is making a fool of you and you accuse _me_ of lying?" He pushed himself to his feet. "Loyalty is a fine thing until it blinds you. It's time to open your eyes."

~*~

Hermione was furious, it was bad enough dealing with that awful man, but she would not endure his slander against Harry. She'd measured out Lucius' potions, but had refused to take them to him. She'd given them to Dobby, who had fixed her with a baleful look, but delivered them nonetheless.

For the remainder of the day, if Lucius entered a room, she had immediately left it. She'd had to; if not, she was certain she would have hexed Lucius Malfoy far worse than any Death Eater had ever done.

Now she sat in her room, pushing her dinner around on her plate instead of eating.

The slur against Harry should have been easy enough to ignore. After all, their entire fifth year at Hogwarts had been filled with aspersions and claims that he was insane or simply clamouring for attention. But, now, alone in her room, Hermione found herself reluctantly considering what Lucius had told her.

She and Harry had been virgins prior to sleeping together. Hermione had read enough to know that sex wasn't usually fireworks at first, but they hadn't even reached the sparkler stage yet. If she was dissatisfied, perhaps Harry was as well. And while Ginny was her friend, she knew that the youngest Weasley had never completely given up her crush on Harry.

Hermione shook her head. This was ridiculous. She was letting Lucius play on her insecurities and that's exactly what he intended to do. Just a little vicious amusement at the Mudblood's expense. Harry and Ginny would never do such a thing.

Dobby knocked on her bedroom door and held up a letter. "This just came through the Floo for Miss Hermione Granger."

Hermione took it, smiling when she recognised Harry's handwriting. "Thank you, Dobby."

When the elf left with a loud popping sound, Hermione settled down by the fire to read Harry's letter.

~*~

Lucius heard the knock on his bedroom door and smiled. Undoubtedly, Dobby wanted to retrieve his dinner tray. Lucius hefted the book in his hand and took aim at the approximate place that Dobby would appear.

"Come in," he called sweetly, drawing back his hand.

The door opened and he was barely able to stop from flinging the book. Hermione stood there, her nose red, her eyes swollen and her mouth set in a grim line.

She held up a piece of parchment and sniffed. "I believe you said something about revenge?"

~*~

Lucius read the letter while Hermione paced the room furiously. He squinted a bit as he read — the handwriting really was atrocious — and then raised an eyebrow at the content.

 _Hermione,_

I know that what I'm about to say will hurt you and I never intended to do that. I did try to tell you when I came to visit yesterday, but we were never alone long enough.

I'm very confused right now. While I was staying at the Burrow, things changed between Ginny and I...

Lucius looked up and tracked Hermione with his eyes. It would probably be prudent to refrain from gloating. She had her wand and he was the only male she could access at the moment. Still, he wondered if Hermione would allow him to keep the letter. It really should be displayed as a testament to the sheer stupidity of the prat known as Harry Potter.

"He doesn't seem to have any intention of calling off your engagement," he observed. "It appears he's asking your indulgence while he..." Lucius glanced down at the parchment, " _explores his options_."

"Options." Hermione snorted loudly. "Having sex with my friend is not an _option_. Of course, Ginny obviously only claimed to be my friend."

"You seem surprised. What did you expect? The girl is a Weasley, after all." Lucius shrugged.

"What does that have to do with anything?" Hermione snapped.

Lucius frowned. "You've spent all this time with them and you've not noticed?"

"Noticed what?" she gritted out.

"Bill Weasley is a curse breaker for Gringotts. Do you know how much resolve it takes to deal with goblins? Charlie Weasley handles dragons — not a job for the hesitant. If Percy Weasley were slightly more intelligent, he'd be Minister of Magic by now. As it is, I expect him as a major department head in the near future. Those awful twins are completely fixated on developing their gauche amusements and Ronald Weasley has just been signed as a keeper for the Chudley Cannons. Each one completely focused on their singular goal in life. And what has always been young Miss Weasley's goal?"

"Harry," Hermione answered flatly.

"Exactly. The children obviously inherited their tenacity from Molly Prewett."

"Molly? But if Molly has all that determination, then why did she marry Arthur?" Hermione flushed as she realised what she'd said. "I mean, Arthur is a very nice man but..."

Lucius smirked. "She married Arthur Weasley because he would give her exactly what she wanted: a large family. Few other wizards would agree to have so many children; most would have insisted that two or three were enough. There are contraceptive potions for men as well as for women, you know. Why mothering a brood of children would be her heart's desire, I do not know nor do I care, but she has obviously passed along that same tenacity to her offspring."

"So I'm just supposed to sit back and let Ginny have Harry because she's _determined_ to have him?" Hermione fumed.

Lucius raised an eyebrow. "I thought you were supposed to be bright. You've examined the situation and promptly identified the wrong problem. Miss Weasley should not be your primary focus. There are always going to be women who are interested in someone the press has deemed the "Saviour of the Wizarding World." Your true problem is Potter. You have to decide if you want a man who is willing to be led astray. And, mark my words, unless the Imperius Curse was involved, he was very willing."

Hermione flinched as if slapped and sank down into the armchair near the window. They sat in silence while Hermione absorbed what Lucius had told her. She fidgeted and finally looked at Lucius with reddened eyes. "I don't know what I should do," she said. "I... There isn't a book about this, is there?"

"Thousands, I suspect. Most end tragically. Avoid those."

"Well, it doesn't seem right to sit back and let her have him. To just throw up my hands while they wander blissfully away into the sunset." The last few words were bitterly spat out.

"And what would she have? A man that she can never trust. That very lack of trust will, inevitably, make Potter's life a living nightmare. She's the type to go through his pockets in the middle of the night searching for the addresses of attractive young witches, to demand to know how he spent every moment of his day." Lucius smiled broadly. "However, that's for the long-term. That's something for you to look at in a few years time and smile over; you really should do something for the short-term."

There was a long pause. "Such as?"

"First, you must decide if you want to go through with your marriage to Potter. Everything will stem from that choice."

She began to shake her head. "No, I can't—"

Lucius held up his hand to stop her. "Don't make an emotional decision. Perhaps this type of behaviour is something you can learn to endure. Marriage to Potter would bring a certain prestige with it. He is the hero of the Wizarding World, after all." The last bit was said with an obvious sneer.

Hermione bristled with indignation. "Prestige? I don't care about—"

Again, Lucius cut her off. "Everyone cares about prestige, it's merely a matter of degree. Or are you trying to tell me that being considered the most intelligent girl at Hogwarts wasn't something you held very dear?"

She flushed and he gave a knowing nod.

"Then think carefully. You still have a few hours before you must react. He won't expect a reply before the morning."

She shook her head. "No, I don't have to think about it. I can't marry him. Not if he can be led astray so easily. You're right, they deserve each other."

"You mentioned revenge..." Lucius allowed his voice to trail away. "I'm assuming you don't intend any Unforgivables."

"No," Hermione answered, "even if they do sound tempting at the moment."

"Hexes? Curses?"

She shook her head.

Lucius shrugged and spread his hands in an expansive manner. "With women, one can never tell. Well, then..." He frowned. "What _do_ you want?"

Her lips trembled and a few tears slipped down her cheeks before she dashed them away angrily. "I want him to know how _I_ feel," she burst out. "I want him to know _precisely_ how much this hurts."

Lucius tipped his head back and narrowed his eyes as he thought. After a few moments, he looked her over appraisingly. "Are you certain you want to make this decision now?"

"Yes," Hermione said firmly.

"Then fetch a quill and some parchment," he said. "And write down exactly what I tell you."

Hermione returned with the parchment and Lucius began dictating. Surprised, her eyes flew up to meet his. "But you're implying..." she spluttered for a moment. "Harry will never believe this. _No one_ will believe this. Not of me or of you. Besides, you're married."

Lucius smiled slowly. "You'd be surprised what people will believe. As for Narcissa... She removed herself from my life along with the contents of the family vault. At any rate, Potter's opinion is the only one that matters at the moment. And _he'll_ believe it. My motives will be very clear to him. You're an attractive young woman, after all. As for you... Potter will believe that if he's capable of it, anyone is capable of it."

"But what if this makes him happy?" Hermione waved the letter she was writing at Lucius. "What if he doesn't care?"

"He's male; he'll care. In Potter's opinion, the only name you could substitute on that parchment that might be marginally worse would be that of Severus Snape." Lucius grinned. "Severus might even co-operate, if you asked nicely. He's always hated the boy."

"I don't know..." Hermione hesitated.

"Do you want to give Potter a taste of his own medicine or don't you?" Lucius rolled his eyes. "Make up your mind."

Hermione bent over the parchment to sign her name. "This is going to backfire," she muttered. "I just know it."

~*~

At the Auror's Academy the next morning, a postal owl bearing a small package interrupted Harry's breakfast. The sight of Hermione's handwriting caused a deep feeling of dread, but he'd faced Voldemort and he could face her. He knew she would be terribly hurt, but it was best that everything was out in the open. Hermione would understand — she _always_ understood, even if it sometimes took a bit of time.

He opened the package and drew out the folded parchment resting on top.

 _Harry,_

 _You can't imagine my absolute relief at receiving your letter. I hadn't known how to tell you, but — as impossible as it seems — Lucius and I have developed an attraction for one another. I'd refrained from acting on that attraction, but now that I know you're with Ginny, Lucius and I are free to indulge in more intimate activities with a clear conscience._

 _However, it wouldn't be proper for us to remain engaged whilst sleeping with other people._

 _Best of luck,  
Hermione_

Harry stared at the letter in shock and then tipped the remaining contents of the package out into his hand. Hermione's engagement ring glittered in his palm.

~*~

"Calm down, Harry." Albus Dumbledore peered over his glasses at the agitated young man in front of his desk. "Why are you so certain that Hermione has been placed under the Imperius Curse?"

"Because it's the only thing that makes sense!" Harry burst out. "It's the only reason that she would do this."

Albus bit the inside of his cheek to keep from pointing out the obvious. After listening to Harry's story, he'd decided that the young man had a great deal to learn about women and that it was time he learned it. Therefore, Albus merely said, "You visited her just two days ago. Were there any indications that she was under the Imperius Curse then?"

"No. Malfoy must have done it after I left."

"But he doesn't have access to his wand," Dumbledore pointed out. "It's locked away."

"Then he stole her wand," Harry insisted.

Dumbledore sighed. "I find that unlikely. However, it is a possibility, I suppose." He thought for a moment. "You and Severus will go visit Miss Granger together."

Harry looked horrified at that suggestion. "Snape? No, I can do this alone. _I'm_ the one who's training to be an Auror, after all."

"And Severus is the one who is most familiar with Lucius Malfoy's strengths and weaknesses," Albus replied firmly. "If Lucius has obtained a wand, it's best to send two wizards. Severus will go with you."

"But—" Harry began.

Dumbledore interrupted him. "No arguments, Harry. It's bad enough that you've left the Auror's Academy without permission. Don't compound the situation by being reckless."

Harry's jaw clenched. "All right, but I want to leave _now_."

~*~

Hermione carefully measured Lucius' daily dose of the Salus Novus Potion and handed it to him.

He quickly drained the glass and then grimaced. "I really must speak to Severus about these potions. There must be some way to make them more palatable."

Hermione set the glass aside and looked at Lucius silently. Just as he began to anticipate a boring explanation of the interactions between potions ingredients, she spoke.

"Why are you really helping me?" she asked.

Well, that certainly wasn't what he'd been expecting. "I thought I'd made myself clear. Whilst I would not have fallen had you not left that chair at the head of the stairs, I am willing to admit that you did intervene rather quickly. That deserved a reward."

Hermione looked sceptical. "Yes, you said that, but you don't do anything that doesn't benefit you in some way."

Lucius had learned long ago that, at times, the most effective way to manipulate someone was to tell the truth and he didn't hesitate now.

"That's my primary objective. However, this entire situation should also prove to be very entertaining. Some people will initially be incensed at the thought of innocent Hermione Granger falling into my evil clutches. While others will be reminded that, even injured, I can still attract a nubile young woman into my bed."

Hermione stared at him. "So you're using me," she said, her voice flat.

"Yes. In much the same manner that you're using me," he said with a smirk.

She looked disgruntled for a moment. Finally, she said, "Do you really expect anyone believe that we'd have an affair?"

"Of course. People love a scandal. Some may suspect that there's no truth to it, that I'm merely helping you avenge yourself on Potter, but then they'll wonder _why_ I'm helping you. That there is no logical reason for me to do so will convince them that we actually are having a liaison."

"And everyone else?" she asked.

"The rest of the population will be divided amongst two camps: those who will breathlessly speculate on what sort of sexual depravities I'm inflicting upon you, and those who will believe that I betrayed the Dark Lord because of my forbidden desire for a Muggleborn witch. They'll find it all terribly romantic. Star-crossed lovers and all that nonsense."

"You're leaving out a percentage, aren't you?" she asked, her tone pointed. "Those who'll think I'm some sort of awful person for leaving Harry for you."

Lucius chuckled. "Oh, yes, I seem to remember an article in The Daily Prophet during your school days... Hmm, "a taste for famous wizards," wasn't it? This should play into that nicely."

"That awful Rita Skeeter and her poison pen. I detest that woman," Hermione spat out. Then she brightened. "Perhaps no one else will find out. It's not as if Harry will tell anyone."

"Don't be naïve," Lucius said disdainfully. "Potter will tell Miss Weasley and she'll spread the news as quickly as possible."

Hermione's face fell. "So what happens when you're well and we go our separate ways? What will everyone think then?"

Lucius gave an elegant shrug. "They'll decide it was a tumultuous and passionate affair that, regretfully, ran its course. Some will blame you; some will blame me. Either way, you'll have your revenge on Potter and we'll scandalise the majority of the wizarding world in the process. I'd say that's quite an achievement for two people who were barely on speaking terms 48 hours ago."

"Poppy and Professor Snape will know the truth." Hermione's tone turned acid. "They've been here; they know that there's been nothing between us."

"Pomfrey will assume that we've been hiding it from her and will immediately tell everyone that she suspected it all along, but was keeping quiet for your sake. As for Severus..." Lucius waved a hand dismissively. "He's adept at keeping secrets and there's no benefit for him in the truth."

While Hermione reflected on that, Lucius looked her over critically. Last night's anger had been subdued, but it was still there, simmering under the surface. She was a bit wan and the flesh under her eyes appeared bruised. He wondered if she'd slept at all since receiving Potter's letter. Probably not, women always took these things far too seriously.

"You really should make an effort to appear a bit more light-hearted. You're supposed to be relieved, after all," he said. "And I expect that we'll have a visitor today. You don't want to look as if you've been weeping; it will spoil our illusion."

"A visitor?" she echoed, frowning slightly.

Lucius smiled. "I'm sure Potter will go running to someone. Ronald Weasley, perhaps? Lupin or Dumbledore? I'm not certain who it will be, but I'm confident that we'll have at least one visitor today."

Hermione's frown deepened and she opened her mouth to speak. At that moment, the front door of Number 12 Grimmauld Place crashed open.

"And I believe they've just arrived," Lucius murmured.

~*~

Hermione shot a worried glance at Lucius even as she pulled her wand from her sleeve.

"I doubt that's necessary, but it's comforting to know that you're willing to protect me." Lucius was obviously amused.

"Are you so sure it's a visitor? They don't have all those stray Death Eaters rounded up yet, you know," Hermione whispered. When Lucius looked uncertain for a moment, she felt an irrational stab of triumph. Let _him_ be unsettled for a change. "Are you wearing the portkey?"

Lucius nodded once, his fingers suddenly white around the handle of the plain wooden cane.

The sound of running footsteps approached the library and Hermione moved to stand between Lucius and the door, her wand at the ready. Then the door was wrenched open and Harry, wand in hand, ran into the room.

Surprised, Hermione lowered her wand. "What are you doing here?" she asked. Her eyebrows shot up when she saw Severus Snape appear in the doorway behind Harry.

"Don't worry, Hermione. Everything will be fine." Harry pointed his wand at her and Hermione flinched, her wand beginning to rise again. "Finite Incantatem," he intoned portentously.

Hermione huffed in anger as the charm that held her carefully arranged French braid in place ended abruptly. Irritated, she blew a strand of hair out of her eyes. "Just what do you think you're doing, Harry?" she snapped.

Harry looked stunned. "I'm... I'm saving you?" He sounded dubious.

"Saving me." Her voice began to rise. "Saving me from what?"

"Potter believes that you are a victim of the Imperius Curse," Snape said dryly. He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the doorway. "He's attempting to rescue you from... How did you put it, Potter? Oh, yes, "Lucius Malfoy's evil clutches"."

Lucius looked smug at the phrasing. "You see? I told you," he whispered to Hermione as he settled into one of the library chairs.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Oh, bloody hell. Harry, go back to the Auror's Academy. I doubt they gave you permission to leave and you'll end up getting into trouble."

"No, I'm not leaving. He's cast some sort of spell on you," Harry blurted out. "I don't know what, but he's done _something_. You're not being reasonable."

"Reasonable?" Hermione looked at Harry in disbelief. "You slept with Ginny whilst still engaged to me. You somehow thought that I would understand and our relationship would continue while you "explored your options" with Ginny. No woman is _that_ understanding, Harry. But what did I do? Did I curse you? Did I hex you through the post? No. Instead, I gave you your freedom; I returned your engagement ring, and I even wished you well. All in all, I'd say I've been _more_ than reasonable."

"Yes," Harry looked outraged. "You gave me my freedom so that you could shag Lucius Malfoy."

 _Well, if that wasn't the pot calling the kettle black._ Hermione summoned up a sneer worthy of the two Slytherins in attendance. "If you're allowed to "explore your options," then so am I."

Harry's expression took on a mulish quality. "Oh, for god's sake, Hermione, I can't believe you're being so stupid. Malfoy's using you. He's a Death Eater! And anyone with half a brain would see that he's just having a bit of fun with the Mudbl—"

In a flash, Hermione advanced on Harry. He gave a startled yelp as she jabbed the tip of her wand hard into his chest, emphasising her words.

"I wouldn't finish that sentence if I were you," she snapped. "Lucius has been a perfect gentleman, so let's just keep this conversation on track." _poke_ "You're the one" _poke_ "who couldn't keep his trousers fastened." _poke_ "So sod off, Harry." _poke poke poke_

"Well, at least Ginny knew what she was doing," he hissed. "There are some things you can't learn by reading a _book_." As soon as the words flew from his mouth, Harry appeared contrite, but it was too late.

Hermione went white and her hand visibly trembled as it gripped her wand. After a long, tense moment, she stepped back, her expression cold. "It's time for you to leave. You're not needed here." At that, she whirled and made for the library door.

Without glancing at her, Snape unfurled himself from the doorway. "As it is apparent that Miss Granger doesn't require a saviour, she's correct; you should return to the Auror's Academy. For some reason, Albus doesn't want you to be expelled." Snape's expression clearly said that he considered Harry's expulsion an excellent idea.

Hermione slipped past Severus and out of the library. Harry ignored the Potions master and made to follow her, but Snape stepped directly into his path.

"Let her go, Potter," Snape said quietly. "After the idiocy of your last statement, you're lucky to still be standing. Most witches would have hexed you into the ground."

Harry stared hatefully at Snape and then turned to glare at Lucius. The older man met his gaze with a small smile on his lips.

"I know that you're using her," Harry snarled. "If you hurt her—"

Lucius' smile widened, but his eyes narrowed exponentially. "I'd say you've done an excellent job of that already, boy. But as I am in an expansive mood, I'll give you a little advice: No woman will disappoint a man in the bedroom if he has any skill at all. You'd do well to remember that in the future."

Harry flushed and moved to raise his wand, but Snape already had his pointed at Harry.

"That would be a singularly stupid thing to do," Severus warned. "But, please, go ahead; I would enjoy petrifying you. Packing you off to the Auror's Academy in that condition would be an added bonus." He tilted his head toward the door. "Time to go, Potter" he said firmly.

~*~

Hermione cast a silencing spell and then slammed the door to her bedroom shut. The gesture lacked a great deal without sound, but it did make her feel a bit better.

She couldn't believe that Harry had deliberately said those things to her. She knew that he could be cruel when he was angry, but to insult her in such a fashion was despicable. Yes, she'd read about sex. What person hadn't? She'd certainly caught Harry and Ron sniggering over questionable magazines enough to know that they... Well, they looked at the pictures. Other people, though, did read about sex. How else were you supposed to _learn_ without actually doing it?

Harry knew her well enough to know exactly where to strike. He knew that she hated to be considered less than exceptional. A Muggleborn had to be better than a Pureblood to be considered half as good and to claim that she was below average in anything cut to the very quick of her self-esteem.

After spending the night crying over Harry, she'd begun to regret allowing her anger to push her into agreeing to Lucius' ridiculous scheme. But now? Now she intended to play this to the hilt.

~*~

While Severus escorted the boy to the front door, Lucius sat contemplating the conversation he'd just heard, one long finger lightly tapping his lips. If he moved carefully, there was a great deal of potential in this situation.

Lucius had never been one to deny himself pleasure. He had regularly indulged his appetites for fine wines, gourmet foods and beautiful women and, as the effects of the curse had finally started to lessen, those appetites were returning.

Hermione might never be considered beautiful in comparison to a delicate Pureblood beauty such as Narcissa, but certain portions of her anatomy were nicely firm and rounded. And Lucius had a weakness for opulent breasts and lush derrières, something that had been lacking in his sylph-like wife. Perhaps Hermione wasn't as sumptuous as he preferred, but she was more than adequate.

Severus' voice interrupted his reverie. "Just what are you playing at?"

"I beg your pardon?" Lucius widened his eyes in artful puzzlement.

Severus shook his head and took the chair next to Lucius. "Don't be obtuse, it doesn't suit you. What are you playing at with the girl?"

"You mean you don't believe that we're embarking on a torrid affair?" Lucius made a tsking sound. "Your disbelief wounds me."

Severus snorted. "This from a man who once said that he'd never pollute his pureblood loins with a Mudblood?"

Lucius was vaguely affronted. "I never said such a thing. That was Rodolphus Lestrange, and he only said it because Bellatrix objected to him going on raids. He knew that she would hex his bollocks off if he so much as looked at another woman. Rodolphus was a blind zealot, but not a fool. As I recall, he loudly proclaimed his lack of interest at every given opportunity."

"Which begs the question. What are _you_ doing?"

Lucius smiled. "I'm being entertained, Severus. For the first time in weeks, I'm being _entertained_. It's been deathly dull around here, but in the space of a few hours, all that has changed. Hermione's in a snit, Potter is furious and your presence indicates that Dumbledore is once again taking me seriously." He pursed his lips thoughtfully. "I haven't been able to capture Dobby, though. That continues to be something of a disappointment."

"So you have no real interest in Miss Granger?"

"Why _your_ interest? For a man who claims to vehemently dislike her, you seem to have a great deal of concern for her welfare. I'm beginning to suspect that you — like Rodolphus — protest too much." Lucius gave Snape a speculative glance and then bit back a laugh at the other man's appalled expression.

"Albus will want to know the truth," Severus answered, "I want to decide which truth to tell him."

Lucius smiled briefly at his phrasing and then shrugged. "The _truth_ is that I believe the young woman is ripe for a certain education." When Severus frowned, Lucius raised a hand to forestall his comments. "You needn't worry. I'll not give her false declarations of affection. She's too intelligent to believe that tripe, from _me_ , at any rate. Anything that occurs will be with her full consent and knowledge." His eyes sparkled with barely contained mirth. "It will be more of a challenge that way."

"Let me remind you of something before you decide to act... rashly." Severus steepled his fingers together. "Miss Granger is most likely in a delicate state of mind. At present, she has a wand and you do not, and _that_ is the same girl who turned Dolores Umbridge over to the centaurs without hesitation or mercy. You would be wise to tread lightly."

Lucius lifted an eyebrow. He hadn't known that Hermione had orchestrated Umbridge's encounter with the centaurs. "Perhaps there's more to the girl than I'd thought," he murmured, and then smiled. "As for what to tell Dumbledore... Remind him that he's the one who placed us in this house together. Tell him that I thank him for the gift."

Snape sighed. "You enjoy playing with fire, don't you? First Potter, now Dumbledore... You're determined to make enemies of some of the most powerful wizards alive."

"You forget, Severus, they've always been my enemies. Nothing has changed in that regard. It's been a convenient alliance, nothing more."

There was a long pause and then Snape finally spoke again. "You wouldn't have succeeded, you know."

Lucius tilted his head in question.

"If the Dark Lord had lived; if he had won," Snape continued. "You wouldn't have succeeded in wresting control away from him. That was your plan, wasn't it? He would have eliminated you almost immediately. You would have been too great a threat."

"Well..." Lucius smiled faintly. "We'll never know for certain now, will we?"

~*~

At dinner that night, Lucius began his campaign. He started slowly: a casual question regarding her mediwitch aspirations. Her relief at talking about something neutral was palpable and she spoke at length of the coveted apprenticeship with St. Mungo's. While Lucius found the subject tedious, he was careful to wear the interested and encouraging expression perfected by years of attending political dinners.

The next morning, whilst taking his exercise, he asked about a book he'd seen her reading. This time, the conversation was far more pleasant. To his surprise, she compared the book to the works of an obscure wizarding author who happened to be one of Lucius' favourites. They discussed that author's latest offering versus his earlier works and agreed that the man deserved a much wider audience.

As he was downing the Salus Novus potion, it occurred to him that he'd actually enjoyed their discussion. He passed the ensuing shudder off as a reaction to the taste of the potion.

At lunch, they began tentatively discussing other topics, although, by tacit agreement, they skirted the issues of politics and Harry Potter. And by dinner, they were in the midst of a rather lively debate over Wizarding versus Muggle art.

Lucius knew, however, that it was only a matter of time before the subject of Harry Potter arose again and he was determined to turn it to his advantage.

~*~

"Poppy is stopping by to check on you this afternoon. While she's here, I'm going into Diagon Alley to buy a few things. I was wondering if there was anything you wanted?" Hermione paused; she knew this would be a delicate subject for the proud man in front of her. Finally, she squared her shoulders and forged ahead. "I know your finances are... somewhat depleted at the moment, so I'd be happy to purchase anything that you need." She frowned at a sudden thought. "Within reason, of course," she clarified quickly.

Frowning, Lucius looked up from his breakfast. "Why would you assume that my finances are depleted?"

"You said that when your wife left, she took all of your money."

"Ah, I said that Narcissa took the contents of the family vault. That was what she knew of, it was hardly _all_ of the money." Lucius returned to buttering his toast.

Hermione's mouth dropped open at the implication. "You mean you hid money from your wife?"

"Of course."

"But that's terrible!"

"For Narcissa, perhaps." Lucius smiled. "Not for me."

"That's horribly unfair of you."

"Might I remind you that had I not done so, Narcissa would now have everything and I would have nothing." He gave her a pointed look. "You've apparently thought that was the case for weeks. Where was your Gryffindor conscience then?"

A man cleared his throat from the doorway and Hermione looked up.

"Ron!" she cried, smiling.

Ron nodded. "Hello, Hermione."

~*~

Hermione rushed to hug Ron, who was silently glaring at Lucius. Lucius simply continued eating his breakfast, pointedly ignoring the younger man.

"Let's go into the parlour," she said quickly. "We'll be more comfortable there."

"Yeah," Ron agreed loudly, "I want to talk to you in _private_."

Lucius smirked; it was the only indication that he even realised that Ron was present. "Don't forget, Hermione," Lucius said softly, "that I'm due to take a potion in a few minutes. And then we have our morning... exercise."

Ron stiffened and Hermione grabbed his arm and began pushing him toward the door. "I won't be long," she called over her shoulder to Lucius, shooting him an irritated look; he was being deliberately provocative. He gave her an innocent smile and she rolled her eyes. As she steered Ron out of the dining room, she heard Lucius begin to laugh.

Once in the parlour, Hermione sat on the couch while Ron stood with his hands in his pocket, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot.

"I thought you were supposed to be away training for the Cannons," she said when the silence began to drag out.

"I am. I can't stay long, but I Apparated here as soon as I received Harry's letter."

Hermione huffed in exasperation. "Did he ask you to come here?"

Ron shook his head. "No, I just wanted to check on you. You know, see if you're all right."

This was the first real concern over this that Hermione had received from anyone and she was suddenly struggling against bursting into tears. "I'll be fine. What did Harry say in his letter?"

"It was kind of jumbled. First he told me about Ginny." Ron grimaced and looked down at his shoes. "Then he told me about you and Lucius Malfoy." A pained expression crossed Ron's face and he looked up. "Tell me you're not really... I mean, you're just having Harry on, aren't you? Getting him back a bit for what he's done?"

Hermione opened her mouth to tell him the truth and then stopped. If Ron knew, eventually he'd let it slip to Harry, and that was something that would not be allowed to happen. Silently, she cursed herself for letting Lucius talk her into this lie.

"It's probably best that we don't discuss Lucius," she said finally.

Predictably, Ron assumed the worst and looked horrified. "Bloody hell, Hermione, I can't believe you're involved with that bastard. It's _Lucius Malfoy_ we're talking about. He's a Death Eater, remember?"

"He changed sides," she protested. "Professor Dumbledore told us that—"

Ron cut her off. "And even if he wasn't, he's _married_."

"His wife left him—" Hermione began.

"You can't honestly believe that Malfoy loves you," Ron interrupted.

Hermione narrowed her eyes. "No," she snapped, "Lucius has never claimed to love me, but at least he doesn't lie to me and sleep with Ginny."

Ron looked away, obviously uncomfortable.

Hermione felt a stab of remorse and she rubbed her eyes. This wasn't Ron's fault and she shouldn't take it out on him. But there was something she wanted to know...

"Ron, did you know about Harry and Ginny?" Hermione asked. "You were there at the Burrow during Christmas hols."

He shook his head and sat heavily on the couch next to her. "No, I didn't. I can't say that I'm surprised, though. Sometimes, Ginny's a lot like Mum. When she gets her heart set on something... Well, she's good at getting what she wants."

Hermione snorted. "Yes, that was pointed out to me recently."

"I'm not going to defend what they did. It was wrong," Ron said firmly. "But they're only human and they make mistakes like everybody else."

"I don't think Ginny made a mistake; I think she saw her opportunity and took it." Hermione waved away Ron's automatic protest. "But that doesn't really matter. I'm not going to put my life on hold while Harry chooses between Ginny and me. That's asking too much. As far as I'm concerned, he made his choice when he slept with her."

Ron ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "I'm really sorry, Hermione."

"You don't have any reason to apologise." Her voice softened.

"I know, but..." his voice trailed away and he shrugged. "She's my sister. I mean, you're one of my best friends... And Harry..." His voice trailed away again and he looked down and sighed. "It's all a mess, isn't it?"

Hermione just nodded and patted his arm.

~*~

She sent Ron off with more assurances that she was fine and that she could look after herself. Just before he left, he caught her up in a bear hug worthy of Hagrid and whispered, "I just hope you know what you're doing. Be careful, Hermione."

 _God_ , Hermione thought, as she went back into the dining room, _Ron's right, this is such a mess._

She walked to the sideboard and measured out the morning dosage of Strengthening Potion for Lucius.

He took it and smirked. "Did your visit go well?"

"My best friend was just here and I couldn't even tell him the truth," she bit out. "I can't believe I let you talk me into this lie."

"I did advise you against making an emotional decision. You chose not to listen." Lucius drank the potion and then poured a glass of water from the pitcher on the table and took a sip.

Hermione abruptly closed her mouth. As much as she hated to admit it, he did warn her.

"I'm curious," Lucius drawled. "Are you upset because you weren't able to play the victim? Perhaps I misjudged you." He looked her up and down. "I wouldn't have thought that role suited you."

"It doesn't, but I don't like lying to Ron."

"Would you prefer to tell him the truth so that he can run back to Potter and Miss Weasley? Potter might feel some small compunction in learning that he's truly hurt you, but I suspect the girl would merely be amused."

Hermione gritted her teeth at the fresh wave of anger that image produced. She shook her head. "I don't want that, either."

"Then you made the correct decision. However, this has brought another subject to mind."

"Which is?"

Lucius looked at her with an almost sympathetic expression. "Potter made a boorish comment regarding your... inexperience."

Hermione flushed. "What of it?" she forced herself to ask.

Lucius shrugged. "If the boy was callow enough to make such a statement before two men that he hates, what do you suppose he's told his friends?"

Hermione began to automatically protest that Harry wouldn't talk about her that way, but she stopped abruptly. A few days ago, she would have sworn that Harry wouldn't sleep with Ginny, either. And Hermione had overheard enough whispered conversations in the Gryffindor common room and enough outright bragging by the Weasley twins to know that men did talk about women in explicit ways.

She suddenly felt ill. Perhaps Harry had been telling people that she was... inadequate.

Lucius took another sip of water. "Of course, you won't have to worry about that for very long. As the rumour of our "affair" becomes more widely known, everyone will assume that I've educated you in the pleasures of the flesh. Do try not to tarnish my reputation too badly."

"What?"

Lucius shrugged. "Your next lover will most likely have certain expectations. A woman leaves my bed thoroughly experienced in the sensual arts. Certainly no one would ever accuse her of..." he hesitated, "...attaining her abilities by reading a book."

Hermione was suddenly furious. "Everyone keeps _saying_ that. If my practical experience is lacking, it's as much Harry's fault as mine!"

"I agree," Lucius answered. "I'm simply pointing out that you've now raised the bar. Your next lover won't judge you against your experience with that _boy_ ; they'll judge you against your experience with _me_."

Hermione sank down into a chair at the table and dropped her head in her hands. "Oh, great. One more test to fail," she muttered. "Maybe I should just become celibate."

"There is, of course, another option," Lucius said quietly.

Hermione raised her head. "Which is?"

"I could teach you."

~*~

Lucius almost laughed at the stunned expression on Hermione's face.

"You want to have sex with me?" she asked, incredulous.

"I'm offering you an education," he countered.

She snorted.

"My reputation is at stake, you know," Lucius pointed out. "I won't offer you pretty words of devotion, but neither will I lie to you."

Hermione stared at him. "That's the single most unromantic proposition I've ever received."

"Then here's your first lesson: sex has little to do with romance. They may be compatible, but they are entirely separate issues. It is important to understand the difference, as most men will attempt to entice you into bed with pretty lies or, worse, with emotional coercion."

"Coercion?"

Lucius smiled slowly and clasped his hands in front of him in a parody of beseeching. "If you _love_ me, Hermione, you'll let me do this." His tone was deliberately mocking and, judging from the way she stiffened, he knew that he'd chosen some variation of the words Potter had used to wear down her reluctance. Time to dangle the last bit of bait.

He leaned forward. "When your lessons are over, no one — _no one_ — will ever be able to accuse you of learning your skills from a book again."

She gaped and he raised a hand to forestall her comments. "Simply give it some thought. It's not as if either of us are leaving this place tomorrow."

~*~

When Poppy arrived, Hermione was relieved to escape the house. Poppy's scandalised glances at her and Lucius had made it clear that the rumour mill was already hard at work. Obviously, Ginny had heard the news and wasn't wasting any time spreading the word.

As Hermione went about her shopping in Diagon Alley, she puzzled over Lucius' proposition. He'd warned her against emotional coercion and yet that's exactly what he was doing by bringing up Harry's insult. However, by mentioning the potential for coercion in the first place, Lucius had _told_ her that was what he was doing. The fact that he expected her to be smart enough to figure it out was a compliment... Well, in a Slytherin sort of way.

She found herself considering him as a potential lover. He was old enough to be her father; she was Draco's age, after all. But she had to admit that he was very attractive — all icy good looks and sneering charm — and she had no doubt that he was every bit as good in bed as he claimed to be.

He was offering knowledge and that was something more tempting to her than gold. The need to _know_ had always been a driving force in her life and she was well aware the Lucius was exploiting it.

He wasn't offering romance; he'd made it very clear that there could be no long-term relationship involved. He was simply offering the chance to master a very important skill.

 _"Well, at least Ginny knew what she was doing,"_ Harry's voice hissed through her mind. _"There are some things you can't learn by reading a_ book _."_

Hermione's eyes hardened. She might be a fool to accept Lucius' offer, but she decided that she'd be a bigger fool to turn it down.

~*~

She waited until dinner to announce her decision. Her heart pounded, but she forced her voice to remain even.

"I've decided to accept your offer," she said coolly.

Lucius smiled.

"But," she continued quickly, "there are certain rules I want followed."

He raised an eyebrow. "Rules?"

"Whilst I was in Diagon Alley, I stopped in at the Apothecary and purchased a supply of contraceptive potions for both of us. I don't want to take any chance on unwanted consequences. I've checked the ingredients and I don't believe there will be any adverse interaction with your medicinal potions. However, if you'd prefer to be absolutely certain, you could ask Professor Snape."

"I think that would probably be wise," Lucius said blandly.

She nodded and took a deep breath. "Also, I have no interest in doing... certain things."

"Such as?"

Hermione blushed, but soldiered ahead. "I don't wish to be tied up or to do the same to you. And there will be no ropes, or chains or whips or anything of that nature."

To her surprise, Lucius threw back his head and laughed. When he finally caught his breath, he asked, "My dear, what sort of opprobrious things have you heard about me?"

Her blush deepened. "Well, nothing really. I just assumed..." her voice trailed away. "You were a Death Eater, after all," she finally said.

He chuckled. "That doesn't automatically translate into a desire for bondage and sadomasochism." He tossed his napkin aside and smirked. "I prefer my women to have their hands free; it's much more convenient that way." He reached out and ran the tip of a finger across the back of her hand. "I promise that I won't do anything that you don't like. If I begin to do so, simply tell me and I'll stop."

"All right," she answered. With a conspiratorial air, she leaned forward and looked into his eyes. "And should you forget your promise, don't forget that I still have my wand," she said softly.

He smiled. "Perhaps we'll work on your threats, as well. You still lack subtlety."

~*~

After dinner, Lucius wrote out a quick note for Severus and sent it through the Floo. He'd been delighted with the opening Hermione had provided. He had no intention of risking his recovery and this gave him the opportunity to alert Severus to his success without actually bragging. After all, why inquire about a contraceptive potion if there was no reason to drink it?

In a few minutes, the fire flared and a piece of parchment shot out onto the floor. Lucius read the letter, smiling at Severus' terse answer, and then went to take a bath. When he'd finished, he put on his dressing gown and made his way to Hermione's room. He knocked on the door and, when she answered, said, "Severus agrees that there should be no harmful interaction with the contraceptive potion."

He took in her nervous expression and tilted his head. "Have you changed your mind?"

He watched as uncertainty warred against curiosity until finally she shook her head. "No. Please, come in."

He stepped into her room and she closed the door behind him.

~*~

Hermione adjusted the temperature of her bath and then slipped into the hot water. The last month had passed very quickly. During the day, Hermione continued to be an efficient caregiver and Lucius had improved rapidly. And each night, she went to his bed and was taught another lesson in sensuality.

Poppy had stopped by this morning with a mediwizard from St. Mungo's in tow and, after an extensive examination, Lucius had been pronounced cured. Before Poppy left, she'd taken Hermione aside and pressed a packet of letters into her hand. "Your letters of recommendation from the Headmaster and me," she'd whispered to Hermione, "for your apprenticeship at St. Mungo's." With a grin, Hermione had thrown her arms around the surprised woman and hugged her in thanks.

Slightly flustered, Poppy had told her that she'd send Professor Snape around later this morning to remove the wards on the room containing Lucius' wand. As soon as Poppy had left, Hermione and Lucius had indulged in one last lesson.

Hermione sank deeper into the water and settled back, leaning her head against the high edge of the tub. Lucius hadn't lied and she hadn't fooled herself. It had never been a love affair; it had been fucking, plain and simple. But while Lucius could be an absolute bastard everywhere else, he was wonderful in the bedroom and she felt a pang of regret that it was over.

She closed her eyes with a sigh and then smiled as she remembered flashes of her lessons.

His lips on hers, feather-light, then a whisper, "If done properly, a kiss is a highly intimate act." A deeper kiss and his tongue brushing against hers as desire began to build.

Fingers stroking against her skin as he slowly undressed her. "You must both relax in order to enjoy yourself fully, and undressing your partner assists in that regard." Fingers tickling behind her knee and then sliding up the back of her thighs. "It also allows you to find sensitive areas you might otherwise miss."

His mouth, hot and wet, on her nipples. Incredible pleasure and then a sharp sting when he bit down slightly. Her gasp of surprise and the accompanying fierce jolt of lust as he murmured, "As you can see, the sudden contrast between pleasure and a tiny bit of pain can be very erotic."

Stroking him as his hand covered hers, guiding her. "Men require a firmer touch than women." His breathing becoming harsh as their hands moved together. "A stroke _here_ ," he gasped and she felt a flare of triumph, "is particularly intense."

His hand slipping between her legs. "Sex has its own language; a sigh of delight, a moan of ecstasy, arching up to meet your lover's touch... Each of these things speak volumes." One finger inside her and then two. Her head thrown back as her hips lifted from the bed. Amusement in his tone, "You see? I understand you perfectly."

His voice languid as his hands tangled in her hair. "Done carefully, a gentle grazing of the teeth can be very pleasurable." A groan and his voice became strained. "If your partner desires more, he'll tell you." Rhythmic movements and his hands clenching in the bed linens. A muffled shout and a hot, salty gush in her mouth.

His hands pushing her legs wide. A wicked smile and then his mouth covering her, his tongue flickering and his fingers stroking. The shock of recognition at the sound of her own voice begging, and the feeling of his laughter vibrating against her skin.

Her groan as he filled her, thrusting deep. A curtain of long blond hair falling about her face. A whisper in her ear, "You feel glorious." The blissful fullness, a slow withdrawal and a sudden, hard return. Shifting positions, balancing over him. "This will give you more freedom." His hips thrusting up and his fingers stroking. "And it allows me to easily touch you _there_." Her moaned, " _Oh, god_ ," and his smug smile. "I knew you'd like that." The pleasure spiralling up and up and up until the world splintered and she collapsed against his chest, gasping for breath.

Oh, yes, Hermione thought, she would miss those lessons very much.

~*~

Lucius threw his travelling cloak over his arm and came downstairs just as Severus entered through the front door.

"I understand that you're cured," Snape said, closing the door.

"Yes," Lucius answered with a smile, "and now that you're here, I'd like my wand returned."

Footsteps alerted them to her presence and Lucius felt an odd sense of pride as Hermione descended the stairs. A quick glance at Severus' surprised expression confirmed what he already knew. The bossy little swot had matured into a confident, self-assured woman and it was evident in her manner.

"You've been busy, I see," Severus murmured.

Lucius gave a smug smile. "She takes instruction extremely well."

"Yes, I know," Severus said dryly. "Although, I did teach her an entirely different subject."

"Good morning, Professor Snape," Hermione said and he nodded in response. She saw the travelling cloak on Lucius' arm and her smile tightened briefly. "You're not staying for lunch?"

Lucius shook his head. "No, I think it best that I leave immediately. I want to go to France to visit Draco."

"I'll retrieve your wand," Severus said. He glanced at Hermione. "Have you removed your wards on the room?"

"Yes, earlier this morning," she answered.

Severus nodded and then disappeared into the rear part of the house.

Lucius looked at Hermione silently for a long moment. Finally, he spoke. "If you wish it, you could have Potter back, you know. I've taught you enough that you should be able to have any man that you want."

Hermione lips quirked in suppressed amusement. "Yes, I know."

He arched an eyebrow in silent question and she shook her head.

"But I don't think I want Harry back," she answered. "I suspect that he didn't appreciate me as much as he should have done."

Lucius smiled in approval. "Good girl."

Severus returned and handed Lucius his cane. Lucius pulled the wand from the cane and gestured. "Accio travel bag." He smiled in satisfaction as the bag flew from his room, down the stairs, and into his waiting hand.

Hermione and Lucius stood looking at one another until Severus sighed.

"Can we get on with this?" he demanded. "I do have other things to do this morning, you know."

Hermione huffed out a laugh and stepped forward to place her hands on Lucius' shoulders. She brushed his cheek with a kiss. "Goodbye, Lucius," she murmured. "I'll never forget you."

Surprised, Lucius held her eyes and then gave a small but oddly formal bow from the waist. "Goodbye, Hermione."

For a moment, the Pureblood and the Mudblood simply looked at each another, and if it wasn't entirely friendship... Well, it clearly wasn't the disdain they'd once felt, either.

Less than what _could_ have been, perhaps, but so much more than what _should_ have been.

And it was enough.

  
**The End**   


**Author's Note:**

> Written prior to the release of HBP. Very special thanks to Rilla for allowing me to borrow her original idea and tweak it to suit this story. Also, I'm almost positive that I've subconsciously lifted phrases from other authors and other fics. It's completely unintentional, but if you'll let me know, I'll give you credit. ;)
> 
> This was a result of a request from Shiv5468 on LiveJournal's Gift Ficlet Request Cookie Jar which had the following directions: "HG/LM as a romance. Bring these two extremely unlikely characters together, in a way that is consistent with their characters, and doesn't involve Hermione deciding that she really likes BDSM. In fact, I'd quite like to see Lucius not being a sex god."
> 
> My apologies to Shiv. I know that she wanted a slightly different Lucius. I did try, but he refused to co-operate and insisted very adamantly that he was, in fact, a sex god. ;)
> 
> Special thanks to Knight of Swords, Pandora Nervosa, Lady Montgomery and Shadowycat for betas, opinions and general handholding throughout the writing of this particular story.


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